The only way to describe 2011 and 2012 Brian (15 and 16 years old) is that he was an absolute weapon. I set up Facebook in September 2011, and instantly began to whack up useless updates of my daily life as an N-Dubz worshiping, straight-acting Adidas tracksuit enthusiast. So, I’ve dug deep into that odd character’s social media experience and present to you some of the oddest and most embarrassing Facebook posts from yours truly. Prepare for an uncomfortable read.
“Hope ndubz get bac together ! !” – Posted 29th January 2012. I was a hard-core fan. Their split literally crushed my soul.
“goin 2 see B.O.B in September! Can’t wait!!” – Posted 15th July 2012. That was a lie, that did not happen. No tickets were ever purchased. I’m not even sure that B.O.B was even coming to Dublin. I just thought a Facebook status about going to see a rapper would make me cool.
“Does anyone know what classes we have 2moro?” – Posted 8th January 2012. What are timetables?
“Anyone wanna go see Dappy wit me?” – Posted 11th March 2012. Ashamed. That is all.
“Only three weeks til summer can’t wait” – Posted 2nd May 2012. If people want me to resume reminding them of the time of year, just let me know. I’d be happy to help. It’s October now, in case you guys needed to know.
“Wish I was goin tomangos toni !” – posted 16th February 2012. 16 year old Brian really loved a boogie and going to teen discos to meet girls before falling arse over tit out of the closet later that year.
“Taio Cruz never makes a bad song!” – Posted 19th December 2011. The further I go back, the more I cringe. Teenage Brian literally makes my skin crawl.
“Haha Every1s goin mad over Christopher! Hope he wins wud be gas!” – Posted 2nd December 2012. I’m pretty sure this was about Christopher Maloney, the guy who was in X-Factor who really loved his nan but couldn’t really sing and I couldn’t understand why everyone was so triggered over this. 16 year old Brian just wanted to start a fight.
“Lookin forward to getting me albums 2moro” – Posted 24th December 2011.I literally just asked for like 20 CDs that Christmas, including everything from Taio Cruz to Flo-Rida to Chipmunk to (obviously) N-Dubz.
“Some creep just rang me askin was I asleep and just hung up… there’s some wierdos out there ha” – Posted 31st October 2012. This was obviously some lad who was bored on Halloween night and decided to ring me for the giggles. Fair enough, I made a fair few prank calls when I was younger. But that doesn’t mean I’m not still on the hunt for this guy.
“Really regretting TY now I could have been goin into me last year of school!” – Posted 28th August 2012. I wanted to be with the cool older kids.
“Well done Katie Taylor! That was brilliant ” – Posted 6th August 2012. I have no idea what I was even on about here, because to this day I’ve never even watched a full sporting event from start to finish.
“Free texts gone” – Posted 23rd June 2012. Oh No, I was no longer able to text my mates “Wuu2?” at random times throughout the day.
“Lookin forward to this school hikin trip tomorrow” – Posted 25th April 2012. The only place I should have been hiking to was the barber to get my spud head sorted out, and then to the library to take out a dictionary to learn how to spell.
“If I get timeline can I change it back?” – Posted 10th April 2012. OMG, do you remember when Facebook changed from having a ‘wall’ to having a ‘timeline’? That was a big transition for me. It was hard, but I got through it. I’m a better person because of it. Thanks for the support through that one. xoxoxox
“Goin to see hunger games tomorrow … Should be good” – Posted 22nd March 2012. Little did I know I would become obsessed, read the books over and over again and that Josh Hutcherson as Peeta would open my eyes to how gay I actually was. I had never crushed on a celebrity so much.
“Who sent me a message cos my iPod won’t let me get into it ?” – Posted 26th February 2012. I thought I was Kim K with my TOUCH SCREEN iPod, with which I could BROWSE THE INTERNET and GO ON YOUTBE at the tap of a screen. It was revolutionary to me.
“Surprised bebo didn’t go earlier !” – Posted 30th January 2012. This was just a tough front, I really was not okay with Bebo being shut down. Before Facebook, I was just as much of an idiot on that as I was on Facebook.
“If anyone gets any strange txts or calls off me they are not me cos my phone was nicked !” – Posted 9th January 2012. Okay, there’s a story behind this one. I was actually mugged that night, and my phone was taken. I had just turned 16. It was pretty scary, but at least I didn’t have access to Facebook for a few days so my friends were blessed with a break from these sorts of posts.
“My last status of 2011” – Posted 31st December 2011. I actually have no words. Like, why?
“IPOD SCREEN IS CRACKED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” – Posted 22nd 2011. Wow, I was an aggro teen.
“Hope Tallafornia is gonna be good tomorrow” – Posted 11th December 2011. Oh Jesus Christ, could I have been any more of a wanna-be spicer?
“Dappy is comin to Dublin but it’s over 18s … DEPPRESSING !!!!!!!!” – Posted 26th November 2011. If I could turn back time I would 100% give up the grime act and admit my Britney Spears obsession.
“Wanna move skool” – Posted 8th November 2011. This was definitely a desperate plea for attention from people in my school.
“Bord ou of me tree” – Posted 21st October 2011. So many useless posts, so little time.
“How do u use facebook???????????????” – Posted 10th September 2011.
And to finish us off, here’s one that I find particularly funny, because every year it reminds me of the time I dropped out of college to do Communication studies (so basically committed career suicide): “Got my first choice on CAO! In four years I’ll be a primary teacher, can’t wait to start!!” – Posted 18th August 2014. I lasted three weeks in that course.
So, there you have it. I hope you enjoyed observing the odd and complex character that was secondary school Brian. May he rest in peace.